Quantum Forest

I am in pain. It has been the end of an era and the beginning looks strange and solitary. For a very long time I looked at people and learned from them, either with intent or — most commonly — by slowly taking things as they came, without much filtering.

One learns and grows by imitation and by rejection, there is always the option to accept (and copy) gestures, behaviours and strategies. There is also the option to reject those elements that one does not like. For a long time I was not very critical in my learning but this time — at late age forty — I have said this is enough and am looking with much more attention to my actions, thought and feelings.

One of my favourite ’spiritual’ books is Buddhism without beliefs by Stephen Batchelor. I do not feel comfortable with religions’ ceremonies, rituals, hierarchies, etc. I do feel much more comfortable with some simple beliefs and Batchelor’s explanation of agnostic Buddhism resonates with my beliefs. The four ennobling truths are presented as a course of action: anguish has to be understood, its origins have to be let go of, its cessation has to be realised, and the path leading to its cessation has to be cultivated. Nothing else, no bells, no symbols, no confessional, no long list of saints and apostles. It is simple, doable at different degrees, but there is a way. I have to follow a simple path to release my pain.

I am currently working in a metaphor, I am digging out noxious weeds (climbing plants with well developed roots) with the purpose of making room for planting new plants. My hands are sore and I am tired, but I welcome this pain: it prepares the ground for getting rid of that other, more damaging, pain. It is only a small part on the process, but it is the first step. I am grateful that I still have the most important people of my life with me: Marcela and Orlando.